


you'd be like heaven to touch

by mrsonmyr



Series: tender touches with optimal care [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Fluff, M/M, Past Abuse, Ronan Lynch is tender, Sex, Soft Boys, basically 11000 words about being boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 04:15:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20419742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsonmyr/pseuds/mrsonmyr
Summary: “I don’t really mind being a one night stand but I didn’t really join it for that reason.”“Neither did I.” Ronan says, looking at Adam pensively.“I mean, I’m fine with hooking up. And if it’s good then their number would also be a nice thing to have.” Adam said, feeling bold.“Well maybe we should see if it’s good and then we could exchange numbers.” Ronan took a step towards Adam.“I live 10 minutes away.” He said, almost a whisper.





	you'd be like heaven to touch

**Author's Note:**

> title is from Can't Take my Eyes Off of You (the Lauryn Hill version is the best one fight me)

“You’re up early,” Adam says as he hears Ronan open the balcony door. He’s wearing one of Adam’s Harvard sweaters and the pair of boxers he slept in. 

“Couldn’t really sleep and I noticed you were up.” He said as he wraps his arms around Adam. Adam rests his head on Ronan’s shoulder.

“Do you want coffee?” He asks as he rubs Ronan’s back under his sweater.

“No,” Ronan says, kissing the top of his head. “I should probably get going. You’ve got work soon.”

This was their routine, meet up the night before, have dinner or drinks, hook up, wake up in each others arms, Adam goes to work with a smile, repeat. Adam’s embarrassed to say that he met Ronan on a dating app, it wasn’t his first hook up from a dating app but it was his first hook up from a  _ gay  _ dating app. He was nervous. They met at a bar, Ronan looked exactly like his pictures. His bio said  _ Ronan - 24 - I don’t bite unless you ask.  _ Adam was nervous. Ronan was in all black and had a leather jacket, Adam wore his favourite pair of pants and a nice sweater. They didn’t look like a pair. Adam was told the app was used mainly for hookups, which he was fine with since he hasn’t been with a guy since college. He spotted Ronan right away, standing at the bar, beer in one hand, the other hand in his pocket. He approached with caution. 

“Ronan?”

“What?” He asked before he turned around, once he recognized Adam from his pictures his face softened. “Oh. Hi.” 

“Hi. I’m Adam.” He held out his hand, Ronan quickly glanced down at it and shook it. It felt like they were doing a business deal. 

“So you live around here?” Ronan asked, taking a sip of his beer. 

“Yeah. I moved here 8 months ago after college.” Adam looked around, unsure if they were just going to stand by the bar all night. 

“You want something to drink?” 

“No, I’m good.” 

“You don’t drink?” Ronan raised his eyebrow.

“Not really. I did a little in college but I don’t anymore.” Adam could feel his ears turning red. 

“More for me then.” Ronan mumbled. 

“Did you grow up here?” Adam asked, making himself more comfortable at the bar. 

“No. I grew up in Monterey. I moved out here with my friend.” 

“Wow, that must be a beautiful place to grow up. Does your family still live there?” 

“My mom does. My brothers moved around.” He takes another sip of his beer, seeming uninterested. 

Adam’s starting to regret not getting a drink. And he’s regretting joining the app and accepting the date. 

“So you’re some kind of computer wiz?” Ronan asks, snapping him back from his thoughts. 

“Oh, yeah. I’m a software engineer.”

“Your bio says that you went to Harvard. You must be smart.” 

“I guess. I went on a full scholarship. If I didn’t get this job offer I probably would never have moved out here. I’m from Virginia, but I don’t really have any family left so I didn’t really have anything to hang onto back there.” He started to scratch at his hands -- an anxious tick. 

“So that’s where the accent is from.” Ronan grinned.

“You could tell I had an accent? I did a pretty good job hiding it at school, no one really knew.” He smiled. 

“You sound like a southern sweetheart.” Ronan said in an obnoxious southern accent. Adam blushed.

“I’ve never really done this before.” Adam tells him, leaning in close when a large crowd walks through the doors. 

“What? Gone on a date?” 

“No,” Adam laughs and shakes his head, “used a gay dating app.”

“Oh. Yeah, they’re alright. Sometimes you meet guys who only want to have sex, sometimes you meet guys who have a really specific type. The last date I went on was kinda shitty. It ended badly for me so I stopped using it for awhile but here I am.” Ronan told him, setting his empty beer down. 

“I’m sorry that happened to you. To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect. My friend from work told me I should join and I did, she knows other guys who’ve had success with it.” 

“Success as in?” 

“Relationships.” Adam paused, “I don’t really mind being a one night stand but I didn’t really join it for that reason.”

“Neither did I.” Ronan says, looking at Adam pensively.

“I mean, I’m fine with hooking up. And if it’s good then their number would also be a nice thing to have.” Adam said, feeling bold. 

“Well maybe we should see if it’s good and then we could exchange numbers.” Ronan took a step towards Adam. 

“I live 10 minutes away.” He said, almost a whisper. 

“Lead the way.” 

It was good. They exchanged numbers in the morning. Blue asked Adam why he looked so perky for a Monday morning. 

—

They fell into a routine: Ronan would text Adam on a weeknight and see if he was working late, if he wasn’t he would meet him outside his apartment — sometimes with dinner, they’d eat, talk about their days, have sex and crash. Adam never used to have his hookups stay the night, but he likes Ronan. 

“You know, I think your dick is my favourite one I’ve ever sucked.” Ronan says to him first thing in the morning. Adam still has sleep in his eyes when he says it. 

“Good morning to you too.” He stretches his arms above his head. 

“You just fit perfectly in my mouth,” Ronan says from under the covers, “and you taste good. Like you must eat really healthy.” 

“Oh my god,” Adam covers his face with his hands. 

Ronan pulls down the covers and lays his head on Adam’s bare chest, running his hand through his blonde chest hair. “I could suck you off before work.” 

“Ronan,” Adam groans. He knows if that happens he’ll end up being late. 

“I could blow you in the shower. Multitask.”

“Wouldn’t the tile hurt your knees?” 

“You have that little fuck bench in there, I could just sit on that and you stand. It would work.”

Ronan’s stayed over enough that he’s dubbed his shower bench as the  _ fuck bench.  _ He’s stayed over enough that he knows what cupboard he keeps the mugs in, where he keeps the cereal, what light switches turn on the front room lights, how to work the thermostat. He’s here almost every night and they still haven’t defined their relationship. 

“Okay we can use the fuck bench. But we have to go now I can’t be late today.” 

—

“Adam what brand of coffee are you drinking?” Blue asked from her desk when she saw him walking in, like he was floating across the room. “Are you going to a new smoothie place? Get one of those green drinks?”

Adam smiled at her and rolled his eyes. He sat at his desk and turned on his computer, he could feel that he was blushing. “Nothing new.”

Blue narrowed her eyes. “It’s got to be something. You’re never like this at 9 am. Are you’re missing traffic?” 

“Blue, it’s nothing. Maybe I’ve just been sleeping better.”

“Whatever.” She types away at her computer. Adam has been feeling better, only because of Ronan. And it’s not the constant sex he’s been having, maybe that’s part of the reason, but he enjoys Ronan’s company. He likes texting him throughout the day, talking to him over dinner, falling asleep together. He likes this routine. 

Ronan’s routine is a little different. He’s not working at the moment, taking advantage of his free time to try out new hobbies — pottery, soccer, yoga — and living with Gansey was almost like a full time job. They met in high school and have been inseparable since. When Gansey was offered a job to be the CFO of his college friend Henry Chang’s tech company, Robobee, he moved out to Silicon Valley. Ronan came too. He lived off the funds that his father left him, mostly to annoy his older brother. Henry and Gansey offered him a position at Robobee but he turned it down, he needed more time for his daily tennis matches. 

“You know, you could teach lessons.” Gansey thought one day. He knew how good Ronan was and that he’d never go professional with it, but it would be a waste of his talents. 

“Maybe.” He started posting about it online a month later, nothing came of it. He decided to jog down to the park one morning where there was a public tennis court. He never saw anyone use it and he’s occasionally go just to swing. Today he saw a small girl playing alone — her racket was way too big for her and her swing had no follow through. 

“You need a better swing.” He told her through the chain fence. 

She stopped, lowering her racket to look at him. “I’m trying my best.” 

“Here,” he opened the gate and held his hand out, “lemme see that.” He took her racket from her and inspected it. “How old is this thing?”

“I don’t know. I got it from the lost and found.” 

“I can get you a better one. It’s too big for you. You’ll never learn to hit the ball properly with this thing. Here,” he gave it back to her, “show me your serve.” 

He watched her bounce the tennis ball and hit it, it barely went over the net. She dropped her arms as the ball bounced on the other side of the court. Ronan went to collect it, then he took her racket. 

“You need to follow through with your arm when you hit the ball. Then you’ll know that it will be a strong serve. Like this.” He bounced the ball against the court and hit it hard, it soared over the net and hit the fence. His arm was still extended. “See?” 

“I’m not playing to be good. I’m just playing for fun.” She told him when she took her racket back. 

“No point of playing for fun if you don’t know how to play. I’ll bring my rackets down and I can show you some more stuff. It would be easier for you if you had the right racket. How old are you?” 

“Nine.” She said and swung the racket like Ronan did, keeping her arm extended. “How old are you?” 

“Twenty four.” He said. 

“Aren’t you a little old to be hanging around me?” She looked over at him. 

“I’m not hanging around you, I was teaching you. Where are your parents anyways?” 

“Who cares? I’ll be back before the street lights come on.” She picked up the ball once it rolled back to her. 

“Come back here tomorrow at this time. I’ll bring you a good racket and we can practice.” 

“Fine.” She hit the ball again, the net stopping it. 

“What’s your name, kid?” 

“Opal. What’s yours?” 

“Ronan.” 

——

“Your presentation is gonna go well,” Ronan panted, his back pressed against Adam’s headboard, his hands gripping Adam’s hips. 

“Thanks,” Adam hisses, riding Ronan’s cock. “I feel prepared.” He tilted his head back in pleasure. 

“Gonna be so good.” Ronan moaned, sucking a kiss into his collarbone. 

“You feel so good,” Adam whimpered. “Wanna come.” 

“Okay,” Ronan bucked his hips. His hand gripped Adam’s cock and started to jerk him, knowing he wouldn’t last long. He didn't, coming on his chest. Ronan came a few minutes later, pressing Adam’s hips down. Adam pulled off of him, collapsing into the sheets. Ronan pulled the condom off and tied it, dropping it into the garbage next to him. He crawled back to Adam, resting his head in the crook of his neck. “Don’t fall asleep yet.” 

“I won’t.” Adam’s voice was heavy with sleep. 

“I want to talk.” 

“Okay,” Adam reached for the box of tissues on the side table, wiping up his stomach. Once he put the used tissues to the side he took Ronan’s hand. “What do you want to talk about?” 

Ronan looked at him, his hand curling around Adam’s. He closed his eyes when he cuddled back into Adam. “We’ve been doing this a lot.”

“Yeah.” Adam said, running his hand over Ronan’s shaved head. He liked the feel of the short hair when it was freshly shaved. 

“What are we?” He watched Adam’s chest rise and fall, rise and fall. Deep breathe in. Long exhale. 

“What do you want us to be?”

“I don’t want a fuck buddy.” 

“You didn’t go to college, you never had the fuck buddy experience.” Adam joked. 

“I’ve fucked enough guys to know that I don’t want a fuck buddy.” Ronan said, his voice going from soft and sweet to bitter. 

“Noted.” Adam continued to stroke Ronan’s head. “So do you want to be boyfriends?”

Ronan tangled his legs with Adam’s. He was comfy, Adam’s bed was a lot more comfortable than the one he had at his place. He never brought Adam home, mainly to avoid any awkward conversations with Gansey. 

“Only if you want to be.” 

“I’d want to be.” Adam’s looking at the ceiling. The feeling of Ronan laying on his chest, their legs intertwined, his breathe on his neck. 

“Okay.” Ronan said quietly. Kissing his neck. 

“Am I allowed to sleep now?” He rolled Ronan onto his back, kissing his face. 

“Yes.” Ronan smiled, accepting the kisses. 

“Goodnight boyfriend.” Adam reached across Ronan to turn the lamp off. 

“Night, boyfriend.” They slept with their legs still intertwined. 

—

Blue Sargent was hosting a housewarming party. After moving out with her disastrous roommate she realized she was able to afford a house all on her own — working at an up and coming company as a software engineer allowed her financial freedom. She was inviting her closest friends from the company and extended an invitation to anyone who had a  _ smart mind _ . Adam decided it would be the best time to introduce Ronan since it was going to be a casual get together and Ronan suggesting he bring along Gansey to finally meet Adam (not that Ronan thought Gansey had a smart mind — whatever that means). They would meet at Adams place first for a drink and then head over to Blue’s. Adam wore a blazer with a pair of jeans and a white shirt, Ronan was in all black, Gansey was in boat shoes and an expensive looking pair of chinos and a polo. 

“Oh,” Ronan said when Adam opened the door, “I didn’t know I had to dress up.”

“It’s fine. You look great.” He leaned in to kiss him, then stepping aside to let them in. 

“Gansey,” Ronan nodded over his shoulder to his friend. 

“Hi, Richard Gansey. Nice to finally meet you Adam.” Gansey smiles at him and shook his hand. 

“Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you. Do you want something to drink?” 

Ronan was already off to the kitchen to get a beer that Adam had bought to keep in his fridge for him. Ronan grabbed one for himself and one for Gansey. “Parrish, you want water?” 

“Sure. Thanks.” He smiled at Ronan. “So you work at Robobee?” 

“Yes. Henry Cheng and I went to school together. He developed the software and I’m working as his CFO. Very exciting stuff, cutting edge technology.” Gansey raised his beer as to cheers the group. 

“I’ve read a little about it. It seems really interesting. I’d love to talk to Henry about the malware.” Adam said, taking a sip of his water. 

“Hey, save the nerd talk for the smart minds party.” Ronan said from the couch. Gansey laughed. 

“Blue is such an interesting name. Have you known her long?” Gansey asked, sitting down on a leather chair. His apartment came furnished and he had no say over the colour scheme. It was probably too modern for his taste. 

“I met her when I started working there. She’s great. Really smart, super funny. Her family is all psychic so she’s got some interesting stories.” Adam smiled. 

“Psychic. Really? Wow, I’d love to talk to her about it.” Gansey set his drink down, mind running wild with questions. 

“I’m sure they’re  _ very _ psychic.” Ronan said sarcastically. “You have a dead aunt and now you owe me 20 bucks.” He said raising his two fingers to his temple. 

“Don’t be rude.” Gansey told him. 

“You might like her, Ronan. She has a zero fuck attitude like you.” Adam said. 

Ronan let out a hmm as he took a swig of his beer. He propped his feet up in Adam’s lap, letting him rub his hand up and down his leg. 

“Gansey, are you seeing anyone at the moment?” Adam asked. 

“No,” he blushed, “my mother tried setting me up with one of her politician friends daughters but… well Ronan knows how well that went over.” 

Ronan started laughing at the memory. “Gansey doesn’t seem to be  _ smooth _ with the ladies.” 

“But it wasn’t my fault! She was technically awful. Her parents are these huge republicans, I mean — my mother is too, but it was just the worst. We had nothing in common. And then when she met Ronan it was terrible.” 

“What? Because I’m gay? Fuck, man. Don’t blame me cause you couldn’t get laid.” 

  
  


By the time they arrived at Blue’s the party was in full swing. Cars were parked around the block, someone Adam didn’t recognize answered the door. Adam took Ronan’s hand and searched for Blue. Gansey followed holding the bottle of wine they bought as a gift. She was in the kitchen pouring a few drinks and talking to another friend from work. To someone who didn’t know Blue you might assume that she was attacked by a dog before the party, but Adam knew that her outfit was perfectly tattered and torn up herself. “Adam!” She smiles when she saw him hovering by the door. 

“Hi,” he hugged her and kissed her cheek. “This place is amazing! Congrats.” 

“Thank you! I can’t believe it but with the money they’re paying us I had to get my own place. And now I can actually afford to donate to charities too. We are living!” She cheersed to their other work friend. 

“Blue, this is Ronan. My boyfriend.” Blue shot Adam a look and smiled at him. 

“We’ll talk about this later.” She told Adam. 

“And that is Ronan’s friend Gansey. He works with Henry Cheng at Robobee.” 

“Hi. Thanks for having me.” He handed her the bottle of wine. 

“Gansey.” She said as she looked at the bottle. “Thanks for coming. I’d be interested to hear about Robobee.” 

“I’d love to tell you.” He smiled his All American smile at her. 

“Okay I need a drink.” Ronan said once he sensed their flirtation. 

Adam and Ronan we’re leaning against a wall in the living room, Ronan with a beer, Adam with a sparkling water. They had officially been dating for a month and Ronan practically lived at Adam’s place. He still didn’t have a job and he only taught tennis to Opal on Saturday mornings. Adam encouraged him to try again with ads about tennis lessons and even would help set up a website for him. 

“Does Gansey not know that it’s Blue’s housewarming party? He’s been hogging the host for an hour.” Ronan said when he looked over and saw Gansey saying something into Blue’s ear. She was leaning into him to hear him a little better but Ronan could tell how touch starved Gansey was. 

“Stop, they’re just talking.” Adam looked over his shoulder at them. 

“He’s practically eye fucking her.” 

“It would be good for Blue to have a boyfriend.” 

“I don’t know how much of a boyfriend Gansey would be. We’ve lived together since high school and we’re practically an old married couple.”

“Should I be concerned that my boyfriend has some husband that I’m just learning about?” Adam asked, placing his hand on Ronan’s chest. 

Ronan touched Adam’s hand. “No. Just be concerned when Gansey starts trying to set us up on double dates. He did that in high school and the guy I was crushing on friend zoned me so hard after one  _ double date  _ with Richard Campbell Gansey III.” 

“You were out in high school?” 

“Sort of. Only to Gansey and my mom said she knew. And my brother Declan said he always knew. Once my dad died I just stopped giving a fuck on what I was hiding. Then I went on this date with my total dream guy who  _ knew _ it was a date and still said yes. I mean, we’re still friends but I blame Gansey.” 

“I guess I should thank Gansey for sabotaging you and your dream man so I got a chance to date you.” Adam teased. 

“Yeah, thank god for Gansey.” Ronan said, leaning in to kiss Adam. 

“Thank god for me.” Gansey said, interrupting the kiss. “Why are we celebrating me?” 

“Ronan was telling me about a double date you went on in high school with his  _ dream man. _ ” 

“Oh yes, the terrible date of Katelyn O’Connor and Noah Czerny. The gelato was good, if I remember. I think everyone liked the gelato.” 

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Fucking forget about the gelato man. Why don’t you see if Blue wants your gelato?” 

Gansey started to blush. “What? What are you even talking about.” 

“Everyone could see the way you were looking at each other. Ask her out. Get some for once.” 

“Ronan.” Gansey and Adam said at the same time. 

“Leave us alone, I was about to hear Adam’s coming out story.” 

“It’s not much of a story. I dated girls in high school when I was still living at home and then when I moved away to college, I got my first boyfriend. We practically dated throughout my entire time there. I broke up with him during my last year, it was too much trying to please this guy and finish my exams. I knew I didn’t want to be with him in the long run.” Adam explained. 

“What was his name?” Ronan asked. 

“Don’t be mean.” Adam looked at Ronan. Ronan thought about it for a moment; whatever his name was had to be bad. Could he risk not making fun of it? He’d try. He nodded. “Tad.” 

“Tad?” Ronan sputtered. 

“Ronan!” Adam’s shoulders dropped and his eyes widened. 

“You were like ‘maybe I like guys. Guess I should try it out with  _ Tad _ ’. Parrish, that’s like dating a Gansey.” 

“Hey!” Gansey swatted at Ronan. 

“Don’t be mean! He was… a good boyfriend. We didn’t have a lot in common but he was my college boyfriend. It wasn’t like I was going to marry him.” Adam told him sternly. 

“You lost your virginity to a Tad?” Ronan thought about it. 

“ _ No,  _ I lost my virginity to a Nicole. I mean, I guess I lost my gay virginity to him. But. Why does this matter? Can we drop this?” 

“Alright, Parrish. I’ll drop it. Just promise me you won’t leave me and run back to Tad.”

—

Ronan brought Adam along with him to the tennis court to meet Opal. He would meet her every Saturday morning at the public tennis court and then he would treat her to brunch afterwards. They never talked about her home life, Ronan didn’t know if she lived with parents or in a foster home or with some random family members. But he knew that she was not eating enough and wasn’t getting enough attention at home or at school. She was eager to learn from him. He started to teach her the basics and soon they were able to play full games, he still took it easy on her but he was impressed with how quick she learned. 

“Hey, runt.” Ronan called when he saw her walk up to the tennis court with her racket bag slung over her shoulder. 

“Hi.” She said to Ronan. 

“This is Adam.” She looked over at him. Adam was sitting on the side holding three bottles of water. “He’s gonna watch us play and then come for brunch. That cool?”

“I guess. He doesn’t want to play?” 

“I haven’t taught him yet. Too busy trying to get you to the Olympics or some shit.” He got his racket out. They warned up by Ronan serving her the ball and have her return it to him. Adam was impressed with her skills. He didn’t know how good a nine year old could be at tennis but she was able to keep up with Ronan. Adam sat on the sideline and held waters for Opal and Ronan and cheered them on. This was the first time he watched Ronan play and it was  _ hot _ . The way his arms looked gripping the racket, how toned his legs looked in his shorts, when he’d lift his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face. Adam was getting way too into it for being in a public tennis court. 

Opal ran over and grabbed her water bottle from Adam, she took a big gulp and then looked over and saw Ronan wasn’t paying much attention. 

“You’re his boyfriend?” She asked him. 

“Yes.” 

“He doesn’t really talk about you a lot. But I could tell you’re his boyfriend.” Opal hands him back her water and runs back to the court to continue her game. 

They decided to go to a local diner for waffles. Ronan sat next to Adam in the booth and they watched Opal eat -- a stack of waffles, a plate of fruit, a large milkshake. Ronan never asked her about her homelife, he learned after the first time and she got angry and threatened to quit her training. Adam noticed the signs. He stayed quiet throughout their brunch and when they were done he offered to drive Opal home. 

“No, that’s okay.” Opal said as she picked up her tennis racket. 

“Are you sure? Do you live far? Will you parents come get you?” Adam asked. Ronan looked over at him, unsure of what Opal’s reaction to the questions will be. 

“I can walk from here. My parents like that I walk. See you next week, Ronan.” She said and skipped down the street. 

Adam watched until she turned down the street and then looked over at Ronan. “You just let her walk home alone?” 

“That’s how it always goes. She doesn’t like talking about her parents. She seems okay, though. If I ever thought something was going on with her I’d ask or even get the police involved. Look, she’s a good kid. She likes to spend her Saturday’s playing tennis, she’s good at it. I don’t want to push her.”

“Just make sure if you  _ do _ notice anything to tell me, okay? Just because she looks fine doesn’t mean she is.” 

“Are you okay, Parrish?” Ronan asked, reaching for his hand. They walked back to Ronan’s car parked by the tennis court and drove back to Adam’s apartment. 

—

Adam was trying his best to have an orgasm but the reminder of God was stopping him. His legs were wrapped around Ronan’s torso while he was rocking into him, steady, long strokes that normally would have set him off by now. Except for the fact that Ronan sometimes wore a gold cross necklace and today that necklace was dangling down and swinging towards him with each thrust; the gold cross hitting his jaw or chin. 

“Ro,” Adam pants, trying to grab the cross and move it out of his way. 

“Sorry.” He said into his neck, grabbing the necklace and throwing it behind him. The gold chain looked so good on Ronan’s broad chest, a little tan from the season. Adam turned them to their side so he could suck kisses into his collarbone, moving down to his nipple. 

“Fuck.” Ronan continued to thrust into Adam, slowing a bit. 

“Are you gonna come?” Adam breathed, moving his hips with each thrust. His hand pinching Ronan’s other nipple. 

“God, yes.” His thrusts getting sloppier. “Are you?” 

“Yeah,” Adam was at his edge. His lips back on Ronan’s neck, pressed so close so he could feel everything. His tongue stretched out to lick his earlobe. 

“Adam,” Ronan whines as he comes inside him. His eyes squeezed shut, his mouth half open, leg shaking. “Fuck. Fuck.” 

Adam flips him onto his back and grabs Ronan’s hand and puts it on his cock to jerk him off. “Love your hands, they feel so good.” 

Ronan’s slow strokes will be the end of him. He’s so used to  _ fast fast fast _ and to now have large hands touching every inch of his body slowly. He’s going to explode. Adam comes all over Ronan’s chest, some reaching up and getting on his cross necklace. Ronan looked down and pulls his necklace out of Adam’s jizz. “I wear this to church, you know.” 

“Sorry.” Adam’s breathless. 

“Now I’m going to wear it and think about you getting your jizz all over it and get a hard on at church.” 

“I’ll get you a new one.” 

“Don’t.” Ronan rubs a hand up Adam’s thigh. He stops to think about it before he continues, “I love you.” 

Adam looks down at him, naked and covered in his come. He looks holy. He looks filthy. And now he loves him. “Are you just saying that cause you just got fucked?” 

“No. I’m saying it because I love spending time with you and being your boyfriend and I care about you and I’m with you all the time and I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Adam leans down and kisses him. “I love you so much.” Adam felt his chest heave. He was crying. 

“Adam?” Ronan sat up, holding him in his arms. “It’s okay. Don’t cry.” He rubbed a hand down his back to sooth him. 

Adam tucked his head into Ronan’s shoulder and cried. His body was shaking and he was sniffling, knowing he’d need to blow his nose. 

“What’s the matter?” Ronan stroked his face, brushing any of his hair out of his eyes. He brought his lips to Adam’s temple. 

Adam got off Ronan’s lap and grabbed a few tissues, handing some to Ronan go clean his chest. “I’m sorry,” he blew his nose, “I just… I've never said that to someone before and meant it.” 

“Come here.” Ronan extended his hand for Adam to take. He pulled him to his chest as he hugged him, their bare chests against each other. “I love you.” 

Adam kissed him each time he said it, his eyes a little red from crying. “I’m sorry for crying.”

Ronan kissed at his frown, then he kissed his cheek, then his nose. “It’s alright. I’ve never felt this way about a person before.”

“Stop, I’ll cry again.” Adam smiled at him. He took Ronan’s hand in his and brought it to his lips. 

“I’m gonna marry you one day.” Ronan said quietly when Adam kissed his hand. 

—

Adam sat at his desk getting to work early, sitting in silence before the rest of the crowd rolls in. He was working on a project for his boss that if it went well he’d present it to the company. 

“Adam,” Blue said when she saw him alone in the office. She was holding two coffees. “Here.” She set the second coffee down. 

“You’re a godsend.” He took a gulp of the coffee. 

“So, um, your  _ boyfriends  _ friend asked me out.” She said as she leaned on his desk. 

Adam set his coffee down and a huge grin grew on his face. “He did? Ronan didn’t mention that. That’s awesome, Blue. Gansey seems great.” 

Blue tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah. We went out last night. It was fun. He’s really smart but he’s also a charming idiot. We’re gonna go out again next week.” 

“Wow. Blue Sargent and Gansey.” 

“Don’t tell Ronan. Gansey was supposed to tell him.” 

“I won’t. I promise.” Adam smiled at her. “So… What did you two do?” 

“Just had dinner. Talked a lot.” Blue stayed mum. Adam kept looking at her. “He’s a really good kisser.” Blue cracked. 

“Interesting.” 

“I know I just met him but I really like him.”

“I’m happy for you, Blue. Maybe we can all go out sometime. Or I can have us all over at my place.” Adam suggested. 

“He told me he would set up a time so I could meet Henry Cheng and he would tell me about Robobee. You should see if you’re available and come too. It’s a really interesting system, we’d benefit from the tech that he used for it.” Blue told him. 

“Let me know when your  _ boyfriend _ sets up your meeting.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Blue told him sternly. 

“Yet.” Adam teased. 

“Yet.” 

—

Adam got home late from a work presentation, he had dinner at the office and texted Ronan that he wouldn’t be eating with him. Usually Adam would come home to find Ronan cooking dinner or plans to order in. He was wearing a new pair of chinos that Gansey had recommended him and a navy blazer. Ronan was already in bed laying on top of the covers when Adam entered his bedroom. He got onto the bed and straddled his lap, Ronan held both hands on his waist. “You look sexy.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Like I had computer trouble and you’re my personal IT guy.” 

“Don’t try to do dirty talk with computers.” Adam tugged at the strings of Ronan’s hoodie. 

“Fine. Come cuddle.” Ronan squeezes Adam’s hips. 

“Let me get changed. I’ll be five minutes.” Adam got off Ronan and starts to unbutton his shirt. He changed into cotton shorts and an old T-shirt that smelled like Ronan’s cologne — a dark and musky scent. Ronan wasn’t officially living with Adam but he spent all his time there. Adam felt like it was still too early to mention living together but they practically did. Ronan has clothes here, a toothbrush, he set up his Netflix account on Adam’s TV. He turned back to the bed and saw that Ronan’s eyes were closed, mouth slightly open letting out soft snores. 

“You look comfy.” Adam said as he crawled in, resting his head on Ronan’s chest. 

Ronan wrapped his arms around Adam. “I am. Love you.” 

“Love you, too.” Adam shut his eyes. 

“Do you want to come down to Monterey this weekend?” Ronan mumbled into the top of his head. 

“Yeah. I don’t think I have anything going on.” 

“You can meet my mom. We could stay there. Or get a hotel.” Ronan sounded half asleep. 

“Okay.” Ronan didn’t speak much about his family. Just that he’d have phone calls with his mom and younger brother weekly but he never spoke about his older brother or his father. Adam couldn’t blame him, he never spoke about his family. 

—

“Are you sure you’re alright with driving?” 

“Parrish, I’ve done this drive hundreds of times. Get in.” 

Adam got in the passenger side of Ronan’s BMW. It was his father’s but he took it when he died — like hell he’d let his older brother take it. They made a quick stop at a coffee shop and Adam hopped out, running inside to order their drinks. Adam found it humorous how  _ sweet _ Ronan drank his coffee. One black coffee with room for milk and one coffee with three pumps of vanilla and leave a third of it so he could put cream in it. “You know, if you like coffee like this maybe you don’t actually  _ like _ coffee.” Adam said after one of their earlier coffee dates. 

They got onto the freeway and drove down the coast to Monterey. Ronan told him about what it was like growing up so close to the beach. He told him stories about his mother homeschooling his brothers until Declan begged his parents to send him to a real high school — they settled on Aglionby Academy, a private boarding school half an hour away. That’s where Ronan met Gansey and soon after moved out of the dorms and moved into the old manufacturing building Gansey bought. He told him how after his father died his mother got very sick, spending years in the hospital until she got well enough to live back at the family home with a nurse. 

“So your brothers don’t live around here?” Adam asked as he looked out the window at the gorgeous oceanside scenery. 

“No, Declan lives in Fresno and he visits a lot. Matthew was going to college in LA but he got scouted as a model. Now he does like bathing suit and surfing ads. He’s the closest with her, he was her little baby. She said she didn’t pick favourites but we all know it.”

“Your little brother does modelling?” Adam asked with a smile. “You ever think to try it out?”

“Fuck no. What, you think I’d be on a runway or some shit? Matthew just looks adorable and is always on the beach, makes sense that he gets paid for being out there. Me? Fuck that.” 

“I don’t know, you’re pretty attractive. I think you could be a model.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Parrish.” 

“I don’t know if I’d want you to be a model, though. Everyone looking at you? I like that you’re mine. I don’t know if I’d want to share.” Adam places his hand over Ronan’s that’s on the gearshift. 

“Hmm. Well lucky you that you don’t have to share me. I’m all yours.” 

The wind was warm on Adam’s skin as his arm hung out the window, speeding down the coast was a nice was to spend his Saturday morning. He loved looking over at Ronan and seeing him focused on the road but his touch soft against Adam. The traffic wasn’t terrible they were able to make it to Monterey in two hours. The house Ronan pulled into was large, the green grass leading to the sandy beach behind the house. What Adam would have done to have this life — this upbringing. 

“Ronan!” A woman in a yellow sundress and golden blonde hair tied up was sitting out front in the gardening, her gloves covered in dirt. She took them off and set them in the grass as she stood and brushed her dress off. She was tiny, frail looking, but beautiful. She didn’t look anything like Ronan. She looked like the sun and Ronan was the night sky. 

“Mom.” Ronan called to her as he got out of the car. Adam followed, grabbing his overnight bag from the backseat. 

“Hello, darling.” She took his face into her hands, inspecting him. Then she kissed his cheek and gave him a big hug. “Welcome home.”

“Mom, this is my boyfriend Adam Parrish. Adam, this is my mom, Aurora.” 

Aurora shook Adam’s hand and smiled at him, then she glanced back up at her son and let out a giggle. Adam was then pulled into a tight hug. “I was given instructions to be on my best behaviour.” She whispered in his ear. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Lynch.” 

“Please, call me Aurora.” She said as she released Adam but still held onto his hand. He noticed she was using it mainly for balance. Ronan came up behind her and used his large hand to steady her. 

“Where’s Camille?” He asked. 

“Oh, I told her to go see her family. I told her you were coming. She will be back tomorrow night.” 

“You were alone for this morning?” His mother nodded. “Mom, you can’t do that. What if something happened?”

“Ronan, I’m fine. Please, let’s go inside. Show Adam around. Have you ever been to Monterey before, Adam?” She asks as she links both arms through Ronan and Adam’s and walks them inside. 

The house on the inside was more modern than the outside, but it felt very cold and not lived in. There’s lots of photos on the walls of school photos and family pictures. Photos of Aurora and what must be Ronan’s father. He looked like an older version of Ronan, the same blue eyes and sharp features but with long dark hair. He was incredibly handsome. There were pill bottles and medication schedules scattered on one of the coffee tables in the living room. Lots of knitted blankets and an IV drip stand was behind the couch. 

“Mom, why don’t you sit down? I’m gonna show Adam to my room.” Ronan told her and made sure she was sitting before he took Adam’s hand and brought him upstairs.

“Sorry.” Ronan says once he shuts his bedroom door. “Her nurse is usually here with her. I get nervous when she’s alone for too long.” 

“It’s okay. She’s alright.” Adam runs his hands up and down Ronan’s arms to sooth him. “Let’s go back downstairs, I want her to tell me stories of you as a kid.”

“Don’t push your luck, Parrish. Once she starts she doesn’t stop.” Ronan took his hand and walked down the stairs to sit with Aurora. 

“Adam, you look like you spend a lot of time out here.” Aurora said when they sat down. She was sitting with a blanket over her lap and a tissue box was next to her. 

“I actually spend most of my time inside behind a computer. I’m from Virginia originally.” Adam told her. 

“You must be smart. Ronan was telling me how hard you work.” She leaned over to take her son's hand. “I’m so happy you’re both here. I miss having my boys at home.” 

“Matthew was just down to visit.” Ronan said, holding his mom's hand with both of his. 

“He’s so busy now. He loves to come down here and go surfing. Adam, do you surf? Ronan could teach you. Although, you must admit Ronan, you’re not as good at surfing as Matthew.” Aurora giggled. 

“I don’t surf. I’d love to see Ronan out in the water.” Adam turned to look at Ronan with a smile. Ronan mouthed  _ No _ back to him. 

“I do hope that you two stay together for a long time. It’s so hard finding your person. I only want the best for my boys, and of course I want you to be so happy as well, Adam. I know Ronan can be,” she paused to think of the wording she wanted to use, “ _ difficult  _ at times. He’s like his father in that way. But he was the absolute love of my life. I only want my children to be as happy as I was. You’ll do that, won’t you Adam?” 

Adam didn’t know what to say. He was too overwhelmed with the emotion in Aurora’s voice — to hear a parent speak so lovingly about their child, Adam had never experienced that before. He nodded his head back at her, not trusting his voice. 

  
  


That night Adam was laying in Ronan’s bed, not tired enough to fall asleep but the quiet of the house made him feel more sleepy than he was. He could hear Ronan in the bathroom down the hall brushing his teeth. His room looked like it wasn’t touched since he left for high school — video game consoles on his desk, posters of sports cars on the wall, a small cross was hung on the wall above the light switch. Ronan slowly opened the door and came in only in his long sweatpants that have been turned into pyjamas. Adam loved getting to look at his tattoo, large and mysterious, every time he saw it it looked different. The lines changing when he moved, creating new shapes. 

“Did you sift through my drawers and try to find my journal or any weed left behind?” Ronan asked as he flopped onto his bed, Adam moved over towards the wall to make room for him. 

“I don’t think you smoked weed when you were living here.”

“No, but let’s pretend I was cool. You didn’t look around at all?” He looked over at Adam. 

“No.” Adam ran his hand over Ronan’s bare chest. 

Ronan reached to turn the bedside lamp on to illuminate the room. Adam hitched his leg over Ronan’s. 

“How thin are these walls?” He whispered. 

“You think I brought guys here?” He looked down at Adam. 

“I don’t know. Didn’t you ever hear your brothers with anyone? I just don’t want to scare your mom.” Adam was stroking Ronan’s chest now. 

Ronan was silent for a moment. “Well, she’s all the way down the hall. And she’s been asleep for an hour now. I’d say we could make a little noise.”

“Good.” Adam gave Ronan a chaste kiss and then started kissing down his neck to his chest, then continuing down his body. He could hear Ronan’s heavy breaths. “Gonna suck your cock.”

“Jesus.” Ronan swore, his hand gripping Adam’s hair. 

Adam pulled Ronan’s pants down, releasing his half hard cock from his boxers, slowly stroking him in his hand. Once he was fully hard he placed kisses at his base, his other hand fondling his balls. 

“Fuck, Adam.” Ronan said  _ maybe  _ a little too loud. 

Adam then took his cock all the way into his mouth, bobbing his head as he gripped the base. Ronan swore there was something magical about Adam’s tongue, it was evil the way he worked it, the way it felt against him. 

“Mary  _ fuck _ ,” Ronan bucked his hips fucking Adam’s mouth. 

Adam pulled Ronan out of his mouth for a second, hand steadily jerking him, as he sucked two fingers into his own mouth, wetting them. He brought his lips back to Ronan, suckling at his head as he worked his fingers into Ronan. The grip on Adam’s scalp got tighter. Ronan was trying his best to control his whimpers as Adam fingered him and sucked him. 

“Adam,  _ oh,  _ baby I’m gonna come.” He tried to say as quietly as he could, his hips continuing to buck and press into the bed to feel pressure against Adam’s fingers. 

Adam took him out of his mouth and jerked him to completion. Ronan lurched forward as he came, finishing on Adam’s face. 

“Jesus Christ.” Ronan panted. He got up and grabbed a T-shirt that was thrown onto the floor and used it to clean Adam’s face. “You’re going to end me one day.” 

Adam laughed as he took the shirt from Ronan and wiped his face. “You’re so gorgeous when you’re like that.” 

“Here, lean back.” Ronan said sitting at the end of the bed, reaching up at Adam’s pants to blow him. 

“I’m kinda tired now. Can you just jerk me off and we can fall asleep?” 

Ronan smiled, lifting the covers back to get beneath them he reached into Adam’s boxers running his hand along his hard cock. He pulls him out of his boxers and rubs his thumb over the head of his cock. Adam hisses and leans forward to capture Ronan’s mouth in his. Slowly making out as Ronan jerks him, Adam sneaks his tongue into his mouth and eventually comes. Ronan used the same T-shirt to wipe his hand and stomach and then throws it to the floor and turns the lamp off. 

“I love you.” Adam whispers. 

“I love you, too.” Ronan spoons him, pressing a kiss into his neck. “Thank you for being here.” 

  
  


The next morning Ronan took Adam down to the beach. The waves were crashing into the shore, it was quiet at this hour. No one else was out at the beach except for some people a mile down so they enjoyed the quiet company of each other. The sun was hiding behind a cloud so Adam was glad he brought his sweater with him. Ronan slung his arm over Adam’s shoulders as they walked down the beach. 

“It’s really beautiful here. I can’t imagine growing up here.” Adam said looking out into the ocean. 

“Yeah. I guess it was pretty cool growing up here. There weren’t a lot of kids around so we spent a lot of time together. Family was really important to my dad.” 

“I’m sorry he’s no longer here.” Adam looked up at Ronan’s face. He squeezed Ronan’s hand that was dangling over his shoulder. 

“We’re used to it now. I don’t think he was as good of a father when I look back on it. A good father wouldn’t have put your family in vulnerable situations.” 

“I guess we both have shitty dads.” Adam said to try and lighten the mood. 

“I guess so, Parrish. Let’s hope we don’t turn out to be shitty dads.” They continued to walk down the beach, Adam still holding onto Ronan’s hand. 

“Do you want a family one day?” He asked quietly. 

“I think so. I always wanted to get married in my family’s church and I guess I always thought kids would follow. I never really thought about it.” Ronan said, avoiding looking at Adam. 

“Would your church allow that?”

“What? Marrying a man? I don’t know, with all the money we’ve given to St. Agnes they better let me be gay and marry someone.” 

“I wouldn’t want to get married in a church.” Adam said. 

“Why not?”

“I’m not religious. I’d want to get married in a field or somewhere like this; by the water. Or even in a hotel ballroom.” The water from the shore reached their feet as they continued walking. “But, I guess if it meant a lot to the person I was marrying, I’d consider getting married in a church.” 

“How kind of you.” Ronan said. 

“Yeah, well if it would make my future husband happy I guess I’d consider it.” Adam was extremely aware of the grip he had on Ronan’s hand now, their hands so warm against each other. 

“If my church didn’t allow it, I guess I would want to get married here. It would make my mom happy, she loves the water and she loves this house. I know it would make my dad happy too.” 

“This would be a nice place for a wedding.” Adam said quietly. 

They turned around and started to walk back to the house. “Too bad neither one of us is getting married.” Ronan said. 

“Yeah. Maybe I should tell Tad about this place.” 

“You’re the devil.” Ronan brought his hand up to Adam’s face and kissed him. 

—

To anyone else it was just a Thursday night, but to Ronan and Adam it was their six month anniversary. Adam didn’t think to celebrate it but he’s not going to turn down a reason to get Thai take out. Ronan told him it would be ready and waiting and all Adam had to do was leave work on time, something that always was a challenge. Someone always needed something or a problem occurred in his last hour of the day and he stayed late to solve it. Today it was Blue wanting to talk to him about her now boyfriend Gansey. Any other day he would have loved to stop and talk for as long as they could, but Adam kept thinking about what was waiting for him at home. Pad Thai. And Ronan. 

“Blue, I’m sorry but I have somewhere to be tonight. Could we talk about this later? Or text me!”

“What do you have that’s so urgent on a Thursday night?” Blue crossed her arms. 

“Just a date with Ronan.”

“You guys don’t go on dates. Your idea of romance is staying in and wearing sweats. No judgement — I’m with you 100%.” 

“It’s our six month anniversary.” Adam didn’t want to tell her because he knew how’d she respond. 

Blue held her hands and brought them to her chest. “How sweet.” She said a little sarcastically. “Although, not what I’d expect from him.” 

“Why do you say that?” Adam asked. 

“Because he’s all ‘I don’t care about anything, no one look at me, I’m so tough and mean’ but really he cares  _ way  _ too much about everyone and if I hear one more phone call from him to Gansey about how much he loves you I’ll explode. Now, go and enjoy your six month anniversary dinner with your boyfriend who’s tragically in love with you.” 

“You’re the best.” Adam hugged her and floated his way home, cheeks red from thinking about how much Ronan loves him. 

His apartment was quiet and smelled of Thai food when he got him. Only the lights in the kitchen were on and he could hear Ronan getting plates out for them. 

“Good evening, lover.” Adam said as he draped his jacket over the chair and kissed Ronan. 

“You’re such a dork.” Ronan smiled into the kiss. “You’re on time.”

“I told you I wouldn’t be late. Do I get a reward?” He blinked his lashes that Ronan loved so much at him. 

“You follow one instruction and now you want a reward?” Adam nodded. “Maybe after dinner. If you continue to be good.” He kissed Adam again. 

“Happy six month anniversary.” Adam said to him softly. 

“Don’t make me say it.”

“It was your idea to celebrate it!” Adam threw his hands up. 

“Fine. Happy six months of surviving being my boyfriend. Let’s see how far we’ll get.” 

“I’m curious to see how far I’ll get tonight.” Adam mumbled. 

“Parrish. Go get changed would you? I’m not fucking waiting any longer, it’s gonna get cold.” 

Adam changed into a pair of sweats and a sweater he’s had since high school, they can save the sexy outfits for their one year anniversary. He joined Ronan back on the couch and propped his feet up in his lap. 

“You want to watch your true crime show?” Ronan asked holding the remote in his other hand. Adam nodded, his mouth full with pad Thai. “Nothing says ‘I love you’ like investigations into domestic violence.” 

“Don’t you feel more equipped for if you ever have to commit a murder? You should really be thanking me for making you watch all of these. If we ever committed a crime we could get away with it.” 

“That’s a little concerning but you’re cute so I’ll let it pass.” 

—

Adam woke up Saturday morning to three missed calls from Ronan and two texts that just said  _ call me.  _ Adam immediately called him, the first time going to voicemail. He tried again, this time Ronan answered. 

“Parrish.”

“Ronan, what’s wrong?”

“I was out at the tennis court with Opal and then she went running to get the ball and she just started freaking. She couldn’t breathe, she was wheezing. I took her to the hospital and that’s where I am now. Said she had an asthma attack. I’m waiting now for her guardians to arrive and so she can get an inhaler.” 

“Oh, my god. Ro, is she okay? Are you okay? Jesus, that’s so scary.” Adam ran a hand through his hair. 

“I’m fine. Opal was a little shaken up but she’s excited to get an inhaler.”

“Have you ever met her guardians before?”

“No,” Ronan sighed, “she never talks about that kind of shit. She didn’t even want to call them but the hospital had to cause she’s under 18.” 

“God. Well, make sure she gets home safe. Tell her to call us if she needs anything, okay? I’ll see you when you get home.” 

“Okay. Love you, Adam.” 

—

The restaurant felt very  _ Gansey _ . Crisp white table cloths, sparkling utensils, a waiter that checked on them every ten minutes on the dot. Blue looked annoyed the second they sat down. Everyone was underdressed except for Gansey who was in his regular outfit of chinos, an expensive polo, and awful boat shoes. Somehow he convinced Ronan that they should go on a double date — Ronan agreed because he wouldn’t admit it but he liked Blue. He liked that she seemed to like Gansey as much as he did but she also didn’t but up with his bullshit. Not afraid to call him out on his mildly offensive statement, educate him on the experience of womanhood so he knows how to react when they’re out and someone is misogynistic towards Blue. She doesn’t seem to give a shit about what anyone thought about her and Ronan liked that. 

Adam on the other hand was thrilled to be at the restaurant of Gansey’s choice, his eyes widened when he saw the miniature fountain inside, the maître de leading them to their table and placing their napkins in their laps for them. He’d never been in a place like this before and he loved it. 

“What are your plans for the holidays?” Gansey asked once their waiter took their drink order — a red wine from Italy that Gansey suggested for himself and Blue, a beer for Ronan, and just water for Adam. 

“Mom always has everyone home. Matthew will fly in, Declan will probably bring his girlfriend if he can keep her for that long. You can come too, Parrish.” Ronan said nonchalantly. 

“For Christmas? At your moms house?” This felt like a discussion to be had in private, not on a double date. Sure, Adam would have spent his Christmas alone but was it too early to spend it with his boyfriends family? They’ve been dating for almost a year now but he hasn’t even met Ronan’s brothers, how would they feel about him? 

“Yeah. It’s always small, you don’t have to come. I just know mom would be thrilled.” 

“My mom has been dying to meet Blue but she keeps pushing it off. Not that I blame her.” Gansey said to the table. 

“Gansey, we’ve only been dating for four months, sorry I don’t want to spend the holidays with your huge, rich family in Vienna or wherever your ski lodge is.” Blue looked at Adam as if to say  _ rich people.  _

“We’re actually going to Whistler this year. Not as much travel. Maybe next year you’d be more interested.” 

Adam laughed. “Very proactive, Gansey. Even thinking about next year.” 

“Oh, Dick here is already convinced he’s going to marry Blue.” Ronan jumped in. 

“Too bad I don’t need or want to get married.” Blue looked at Gansey. 

“Why do I feel like I’m being attacked?” Gansey asked as the waiter brought their drinks. “So I like my girlfriend and think about our future together. Sue me.”

“I’m sure you’ll have better luck with Blue than I did.” Adam teased. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ronan asked, his face stone cold. 

Adam looked to Blue for reassurance but she wasn’t giving him any. “Just, that, you know.” 

“No, Parrish. I don’t.”

“Adam, did you not tell him?” Blue asked quietly. Gansey sat next to her silently trying to avoid any of the tension radiating off Ronan. 

“Tell me what?” Ronan was looking between Adam and Blue, then his eyes landing on Gansey. “You’re offly quiet, Dick.” 

“I thought you knew. Blue told me on our what - our second date?” He looked to Blue for confirmation. 

“Will someone fucking tell me what’s going on?” Ronan said a little too loud for the peaceful restaurant. 

“Adam and I used to date. It was nothing. We stopped when I got hired on at the company and we also realized it just wasn’t working out. We’re better friends. The end.” Blue said, looking at Ronan. 

“For how long?” He asked her. 

“I don’t know, five months maybe? It really wasn’t serious, Ronan.” 

Ronan looked over at Adam, not with anger but with burning disappointment. “And you weren’t going to tell me?”

“I just didn’t think it was relevant. We dated, nothing really came from it. Then I met you. It wasn’t a big deal. Please don’t make this a big deal.” Adam begged the last part quietly so as to not make a scene in the restaurant. 

“Fuck this.” Ronan got up and left. If the date would have gone well he would have gone back to Adam’s place where he spends a majority of his time now, but the odds were that he went to Monmouth — the building he and Gansey share. 

“You never told him?” Blue asked again. 

“No! I just. I don’t know. It never came up. I never thought about it. Gansey, did you and Ronan ever date?” Adam asked in a harsh tone. 

“Adam.” Gansey tried to calm him. 

“No, I should go. I’m sorry this night didn’t go as planned. Thanks for the invitation, Gansey.” Adam got his jacket from the back of his chair and left, he threw a couple of bills on the table that would cover Ronan’s beer. 

“Should we stay?” Blue asked as she watched Adam leave. 

  
  


As Adam suspected Ronan did not go back to his place. He also didn’t answer any texts or calls which lead Adam to leaving a view voicemails. Some ranging from  _ I’m sorry  _ others to  _ You’re overreacting.  _

Adam went to bed that night, the first time in nine months, alone. He forgot how big his bed felt when he was the only one in it, but it felt cold. Heat radiated from Ronan’s body, Adam never felt the need for a blanket when he shared his bed with Ronan. He got a text from Gansey in the morning telling him that Ronan came home late but he was there. 

He tried calling him again, once again going to voicemail. Adam thought that it was a possibility that his phone died and for a millennial Ronan was absolutely useless when it came to his phone. 

“Ronan, I’m sorry. Would you call me when you get this? Or even come over or tell me where you’re at and I’ll come to you. Please. I love you.” 

Adam decided to text Gansey and ask for the address to Monmouth. After all the months they’d been together Adam had never visited Ronan’s house. He never thought it was strange, they just always spent time at Adam’s apartment. It was closer to things in town and Adam kept it regularly stocked with real food. 

After Gansey replied with the address he showered and then drove over. It was a 40 minute drive with traffic but it was a nice area and the house was large. It was an old manufacturing building that Gansey bought and Ronan helped redesign it. The two lived there since Gansey attended college. Ronan’s car was in the driveway along with Gansey’s orange camaro. Adam knocked twice on the door and with no answer he opened it and entered the building. 

“Hello? Gansey?” He called out. Gansey slid into the front room from the kitchen. 

“Oh, Adam. Apologies, I didn’t hear you knock. Make yourself at home, Ronan is around here somewhere.” Gansey went back to his work in the kitchen and Adam inspected the place. High ceilings, a coffee table with papers and takeout boxes all over it, a large entertainment system. It had no feeling that Ronan had ever lived here — most of his things had migrated over to Adam’s. 

Adam heard muffled music coming from a closed door across from the living room. He tapped on it gently and then pushed it open, finding Ronan in the middle of the bed with headphones over his ears. The walls were painted black and the curtains were drawn, there was a tennis racket thrown in the corner and dark clothes scattered over the floor. It didn’t feel like Ronan had ever really made this space his own, only came to sleep and dream. 

Ronan was staring at Adam once he entered but made no move to turn his music off or make room for him to sit at the end of the bed. Adam kept looking around, picking up random papers that were on his dresser, looking at any photos that were on the walls, opening one of the dresser drawers to find it empty except for a pair of socks and a box of condoms. 

“What do you want?” Ronan finally asked. 

“PleasureMax” Adam said as he pulled out one of the condoms. “Never tried that one.”

“Are you here to see what’s in my drawers? The fuck do you want?”

Adam put the condom away and shut the drawer. He moved to sit at the end of the bed and Ronan moved his feet. 

“You didn’t answer any of my calls.”

“Phone died.”

“I figured. That’s why I’m here. To talk.” 

Ronan pulled his headphones off and set them aside. “So talk.”

Adam sat up and then laid in the small space between the wall and Ronan, turning on his side to look at him. “I’m sorry.” Ronan stayed quiet. “I should have told you. To me, it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t think about it. I moved on 100%.” He ran his hand over Ronan’s hair. He hasn’t shaved in a few weeks so the hairs were soft. 

“If it’s a problem because I’m interested in men  _ and _ women then -”

“That’s not the problem.” Ronan cut him off. 

“Then what is?” Adam asked continuing to rub his head. Ronan turned on his side toward him. 

“It’s that Blue was always introduced as just your friend. I don’t expect you to say right away that you dated but come on, Adam. At some point it had to come up. Even fucking Gansey knew. And it wasn’t even like one or two dates — five months? That’s a long fucking time!”

“I get  _ why  _ you’re upset but you haven’t really disclosed your past relationships either.” Adam said defensively. 

“That’s because you’ve never met him and because he was an abusive piece of shit. Ask Gansey if you’re so goddamn curious.” Ronan sat up at that. 

“Ronan,” Adam reached for him. “Please, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. We never spoke about that. I should have told you about Blue but I really was over her. I’m totally in love with you, I didn’t spend any time thinking about the past.” 

Ronan’s back was facing Adam, he didn’t know what emotions to expect when he turned around but he didn’t expect tears. 

“If you knew about my past you wouldn’t want to be with me.” He mumbled, his voice breaking. 

“That’s not true.” Adam held his hand. “I love you. Nothing that has ever happened or that you’ve ever done would change that.” 

Ronan wiped at a tear that fell. 

“I don’t have a pretty past either.” He said quietly. 

“Maybe that’s why we fit so well.” Ronan rubbed his thumb over Adam’s hand. 

“You know, this place doesn’t look very roomy.” 

“Wonder why. Maybe because I practically live at yours?” 

“Oh, do you think that’s why?” Adam smiled at him. “Maybe you should move out of this place and I don’t know, move in with me? For real? Forever?” 

“Forever?” Ronan took Adam’s hand in his. “That’s a long time to live in that apartment of yours.”

“Well we could try it out forever. We could move too. By the water.” Adam suggested. 

“I think I know a place that’s nice.” Ronan lifted Adam’s hand to his lips. 

“Wow, a tennis champ  _ and  _ you work in real estate? I hit the jackpot.” Adam felt Ronan smile against his hand. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“I love you so much.” Ronan said as he kissed Adam. “We should get a pet for the apartment.”

“No.” Adam said into the kiss. 

“Opal thinks we should get a pet.” Ronan says as he kisses Adam’s jaw. 

“No. Go live with Opal and a pet, then.” 

“Had to try.” Ronan kissed Adam’s neck. Adam giggled as it tickled. “Are you ready for the  _ PleasureMax? _ ” Ronan said in a mock sensual voice. 

“Yes, I’ve been dying to know what it feels like for like ten minutes now.” Adam laughed as he pulled Ronan down to him. “Gansey might hear us.”

“Good. Every time I’m over here I hear him and Blue going at it.” 

“Ew, Ronan. Don’t tell me that, I work with her.” Ronan kissed him again. 


End file.
